this is what it means to be held.

I am taking a proverbial "leaf" out of C. Bass's "book" and writing in this blog every day. I'm still in America, still in northern Virginia, as it were, but since Caitlin and Dustin and C. Bass and Matt are writing about their Arizona/Mississippi/Afghanistan/Jordan adventures, respectively, I thought I would write about mine in Virginia. It's giving me motivation to have adventures.

With that said, adventures will have to be put on hold. My grandmother on my dad's side passed away (quite unexpectedly) this Sunday. This is particularly difficult because my aunt, dad's sister, has cancer and has "been given two months." We're going down to New Orleans on Friday night, and the funeral is on Monday. I think this is an experience unlike any that I've had before. For me, the realization that a loved one has passed away comes in stages. We all stayed home Sunday, and while I'm going about my normal routine this week, I don't know what will happen when we arrive in NOLA.

Things like this help me realize the value of having family and friends. I learned a long time ago not to take people for granted, but I think I still don't thank them enough. I know lots of people think that they have the best mom ever, and I'll admit that some of my friends do have pretty awesome moms, but just like they're thinking... I know mine's the best. I'm not sure if I could explain this if I tried, but selfless is a good word to start with. Mom, Dad, and Alyssa have been wonderful, especially these past few days. I haven't told very many people that my grandmother's passed away, but everyone I did talk to was amazing and supportive.

I cope best when I'm active, so I went to work yesterday and today, and I'll go for the rest of this week. It's good to have conversations about normal things. It isn't that I'm exactly trying to take my mind off of my grandmother, but I can't let her death be all that I think about all day. It was nice to have an hour-long conversation last night with Dan about ordinary things. I found that comforting. Just knowing that he's there, and thinking about everything that that means... these things are awesome blessings. It's this beautiful intangible something called love. That's what everything comes down to. And I don't know what I'd do without it, without my family and friends and boyfriend. That thing that you can't explain, that really good thing? It's love, and it's God, and I think we're not quite sure what to do with it all the time, but we need it... I mean, it's pretty sweet. Understatement of the year.

This is why I'm going to be okay. I miss her, and I'm not done "being sad," but there's so much comfort to be had, and I'm be a fool to ignore it. This is what it means to be held. I've unintentionally tied that back to the title, which is just a line from a Natalie Grant song. ... I don't think I've ever managed to do that before. Hmm.

All my love,
Gabby

everytime i see you get beautiful, beautiful.

I've decided to get back on the proverbial blogging train. My opinions will be at http://house-lights-down.blogspot.com/, and I'll keep that 0% personal. "Personal" things will go here. It'll be vague (no stalking, yo), but it will be worth reading. Maybe.

Right now I'm working for the Dept. of the Army. It's interesting sometimes, and really tedious other times, and doesn't have anything to do with my future goals or interests, but it's money, and the people are nice.

We just got back from Kauai. I'll post pictures when I get the rest of them uploaded... I took a TON of pictures.

the gentlest feeling.

Here's the last month or so of my life, in quick detail:

• It's Spring Break! I'm home; I spent Monday, Tuesday, and this morning at school with Mom. She's the attendance secretary at my elementary school. I "volunteered" which was mostly work, but good work. I only spent today's time being self-productive and not outwardly productive; I wrote a letter and organized my planner.
• I'm declaring my theater major on Tuesday! I think I'll turn in my application for the School of Education on Friday.
• I spent the latter half of Valentine's Day being one of those people that bitter kids scowl at. I've been going out with Dan since then and I honestly think this is the first time I've been, being honest with myself, happy in a romantic relationship. (: That's good.
• Last night Dad booked my tickets, and I will be going to Houston for my cousin's wedding over Easter weekend. Which means...
• I won't be spending ANY weekend in March on campus! How weird is that?! Last weekend and this weekend are considered Spring Break. Next weekend, I'll be back here because chorus is singing in Georgetown (funny- I've never been to Georgetown before, and I live so close!) The following weekend is Easter weekend. The weekend after that is chorus tour.
• I have some serious scheduling stuff to do, which makes me... relatively sad-faced. I don't really see myself having a moment's rest until graduation, two years from now. However... this is how my life works, and I like it. I just need to learn the meaning of the word BALANCE!
• Speaking of which... I have a midterm on Tuesday. ): Boohiss.

I don't think I left anything important out...
I might go to sleep and get up ridiculously early tomorrow morning.

xoxo,
Gabs

i won't tell no one your name.

What a week!

Sunday was hectic, hectic, hectic; meetings and homework up the wazoo. I did make it to the Phi Mu/TDX Super Bowl party, and stayed for about 3/5 of the game... then I left to do homework. I ended up staying up longer than intended to work on it.

Monday was more hectic; Monday was downright terrible, so I won't go into detail. My thumb ring was/is still lost, but by now I've got a new ID card. I found a way to get home for the funeral on Saturday and how to get back Saturday night for Waltz Ball (Annie is amazing), and I got to bed before two, although I spent 3 hours at Swem, where the fire alarm went off... the only good things about Monday were: my R.A. interview going well, and running into Manda in Lodge 1. But it was the most stressful day I've had in a very, very long time. Up until Monday, my semester was going so smoothly I could hardly believe it. So I cried, and I went to sleep, and I told myself that Tuesday would be a better day. And it was.

Tuesday was beautiful. The weather was beautiful. I didn't stay up too late. I realized that I dislike windowless rooms even more than I'd thought before, but I'll be alright. Both Playwriting and Theater History (1750-pres.) are in PBK 221; what an awful room! It just inspires sleep. It also doesn't help that I've been ridiculously sleep deprived this week. Tuesday morning, Francis called me out on it. I was listening, but my eyes were hurting and my eyelids were extremely heavy. I was legitimately bored in history, but I really do think a large factor in that is the room itself. I will bring food to class, though; maybe part of my breakfast and part of my lunch for those two classes, respectively. Got my ID card replaced. I hung out with Dan for a bit, which was nice. (: Chorus was good. Piper pointed out something that I ought not discuss in polite company, but it's really funny, looking back. I had dinner with my APO family, and then we went to the Brothers' Meeting. I went to swing afterwards; Megan was there for blues, and it was so nice to see her!! Jimmy emailed everyone, and I got cast in Caligvla. Tuesday was, all in all, a good day.

Today was good, too, with absolutely lovely weather, although I'm tired and spending so many hours alone in my room is just strange; I'd really like to cuddle. I think cuddling is my favorite thing. It's Ash Wednesday, so the only full meal I had was dinner (Catholics above 18 who are not senior citizens yet are supposed to fast on Ash Wednesday.) I ate with Ilsa and Mike, and Andy joined us later. There were funnel cakes at the Caf! In the spirit of jumpy paragraphs... I'm giving up Facebook, AIM, and cursing for Lent. The only thing I foresee a problem with as of now is the cursing. They just kind of come out, and it's funny, because it only occurs in the company of certain people. And by that, I don't mean that certain people are making me curse. I just tend not to censor myself around some people. I'll have to think harder before speaking, now.

My homework for this weekend will be a lot of linguistics (IPA!), and I'm okay with that. (:

I don't think I'm going to Peabody's tomorrow with sisters. I think... I'm going to go to my meeting (I'm kind of one step down from a project head now, with the recycling!) I also have a rally to attend so that we can keep Pres. Nichol, and it's Bonobowies family escort night, as well as movie night; this week is Hook. I've seen it before, so I'm okay with being late. If I pack between chorus and the rally, I'll be ready to go home on Friday, and then I can leave after lab on Friday. That'll be good. Saturday I've got Ms. Wilma's funeral, and then my sister's District Chorus Festival, and then Waltz Ball.

Happy Big Appreciation Week! If your name is Kati, I probably need your address so I can mail you something awesome. (:
If your name is Maura, you're probably not reading this, but I love you, too!
If your name is Katherine, there's even less of a chance you're reading this, but I love you as well!

I love my Bigs!

To my Big-Bigs, Caitlin and Naomi, who are also probably not reading this: love-love!
To my Big-Big-Big, Ashley: love-love-love!

xoxo,
Little (-Little (-Little))

hey mama, welcome to the sixties!

I'll try my hardest to write absolutely fascinating, thought-provoking entries. I used to write brilliant essays on the wonders of the world, and then I got a life. I think if I dedicate myself (a bit) to this, it'll turn out nicely.

For in the meantime:
http://quitehonestly.livejournal.com/

Enjoy!

p.s. The creation of this journal was partly class-inspired, partly Kati-inspired.