this is what it means to be held.

I am taking a proverbial "leaf" out of C. Bass's "book" and writing in this blog every day. I'm still in America, still in northern Virginia, as it were, but since Caitlin and Dustin and C. Bass and Matt are writing about their Arizona/Mississippi/Afghanistan/Jordan adventures, respectively, I thought I would write about mine in Virginia. It's giving me motivation to have adventures.

With that said, adventures will have to be put on hold. My grandmother on my dad's side passed away (quite unexpectedly) this Sunday. This is particularly difficult because my aunt, dad's sister, has cancer and has "been given two months." We're going down to New Orleans on Friday night, and the funeral is on Monday. I think this is an experience unlike any that I've had before. For me, the realization that a loved one has passed away comes in stages. We all stayed home Sunday, and while I'm going about my normal routine this week, I don't know what will happen when we arrive in NOLA.

Things like this help me realize the value of having family and friends. I learned a long time ago not to take people for granted, but I think I still don't thank them enough. I know lots of people think that they have the best mom ever, and I'll admit that some of my friends do have pretty awesome moms, but just like they're thinking... I know mine's the best. I'm not sure if I could explain this if I tried, but selfless is a good word to start with. Mom, Dad, and Alyssa have been wonderful, especially these past few days. I haven't told very many people that my grandmother's passed away, but everyone I did talk to was amazing and supportive.

I cope best when I'm active, so I went to work yesterday and today, and I'll go for the rest of this week. It's good to have conversations about normal things. It isn't that I'm exactly trying to take my mind off of my grandmother, but I can't let her death be all that I think about all day. It was nice to have an hour-long conversation last night with Dan about ordinary things. I found that comforting. Just knowing that he's there, and thinking about everything that that means... these things are awesome blessings. It's this beautiful intangible something called love. That's what everything comes down to. And I don't know what I'd do without it, without my family and friends and boyfriend. That thing that you can't explain, that really good thing? It's love, and it's God, and I think we're not quite sure what to do with it all the time, but we need it... I mean, it's pretty sweet. Understatement of the year.

This is why I'm going to be okay. I miss her, and I'm not done "being sad," but there's so much comfort to be had, and I'm be a fool to ignore it. This is what it means to be held. I've unintentionally tied that back to the title, which is just a line from a Natalie Grant song. ... I don't think I've ever managed to do that before. Hmm.

All my love,
Gabby